with out your love i'd die
by Sukichan111
Summary: love is painful and this one is stained with blood
1. what should i say

It was getting late and dark.

I started to walk back to the school.

At the gate I turned and looked back out into the darkness.

I turned and hurried to get inside.

I tripped and fell to the concrete.

My brother ran out the door and fell to his knees at my side.

"Kaoru" he whispered.

"I'm fine" I promised.

"You have to be more careful" he carried me back to the room bridal style.

"I could've walked" I whispered sitting on the ledge of the bed.

Hikaru turned to me and smiled "yeah and fallen down again".

I shook my head with a smile.

He sat down next to me.

Me and Hikaru were very close and probably couldn't live without each other.

So I understand him being so protective.

He looked at me.

"Sorry" he whispered resting his hand on mine.

"For what" I asked.

"Carrying you like a little girl" he looked at his feet.

"I would've done the same thing" I smiled.

He turned and nodded.

"Kaoru" he whispered.

I looked at him.

"I don't know if…..I could…" he was struggling with this.

He was talking about his feelings it always is hard on him.

He touched my cheek slightly.

I backed away.

His eyes were filled with sadness and rejection.

What was Hikaru about to say…..about to do?

He was acting strange.

I wasn't sure why…..but I sure as hell intended to find out.

"Couldn't what" I breathed heavily.

He looked up.

"It's not important" he smiled a fake smile.

I know my brother and I know that look on his face,

The look of worry that he only lets me see.

He looked at me again my guess is to see if I was still ready to listen.

I nodded.

"I don't think I could…..make it without you" he whispered.

I didn't understand this.

I just didn't get it.

Why was he saying this?

"I don't understand" I whispered.

His hand cupped my cheek.

His touch was warm and inviting.

My cheeks turned red.

"Can I" he whispered.

Hikaru and I used to look at each other as lovers but we decided it was sick so we swore to stop.

In fact this was the first time we'd touched in a while we even tried to separate for a while.

I wanted to say yes to feel his kiss.

Would it be right to put his feelings back in the wrong place?

What should I say?

I want to say yes I needed his kiss.

It just wouldn't be right.


	2. Im dying with out your love

I was acting so selfish when I gave my answer.

"Kiss me" I whispered.

His warm lips laid down on mine.

I missed this feeling.

It didn't feel wrong it was an amazing feeling.

And I missed it.

My fingers tangled in his hair.

He was as eager as me I felt it in his kiss.

He started to lick my lips greedily.

And I gave him the entrance he was begging for.

His skin was warm his tongue explored my mouth.

I broke the kiss.

He looked at me and smiled.

"I couldn't live without you Kaoru" he whispered

Id lived without him for 2 years now and I wasn't letting go again.

I knew now….that I'd never let him go.

I knew that no matter where I went no matter how far no matter what….Hikaru will have my heart in his pale hands.

I liked it that way to.

We woke up the next morning.

Or I did more or less.

I was in the shower washing my hair.

I can't believe I let him kiss me.

I was being so selfish.

It won't happen again it can't.

We swore no more of that.

We promised.

I won't break my promise.

I won't let him do it again.

I can't let it.

I turned off the water and wrapped a towel around my waist.

I walked out and pulled on some jeans and a white and black t-shirt.

Hikaru woke up and smiled at me.

I looked away from him.

He stood up and laid his hand down on my shoulder.

He leaned over at my ear.

My whole body froze when he spoke.

"I'm dying without your love" his voice was serious as he spoke.

I couldn't move.

I knew how he felt.

I wanted to hear him say he loves me. I know how he feels.

It hurts like a bitch to.


	3. pain like this

Hikaru walked back to the bed.

I sat down on the other end of it.

"You okay" he whispered.

I nodded.

He didn't buy it.

I knew he wouldn't.

He knows me better then I know myself.

He scooted closer to me.

I was used to this.

He could sit close to me and it's no big deal.

I felt dead when I tried to be without him.

I need to loosen up.

He wrapped his arms around me.

I couldn't help but look up at him and hold him to.

His lips were at my neck now.

I knew I needed to stop him…..but I didn't want to.

I was dragging this out.

We promised to stop.

Why is that so hard?

His breathing was harsh now as he unbuttoned my shirt and he left a trail of kisses from my neck to my waist.

My breathing became shallower.

I wanted to keep going.

He needs to stop though.

I'm stronger than this.

I'm giving into my own brothers lips.

This is pathetic thought to myself.

"Pathetic yes" he smirked.

My eyes widened he knew what I was thinking.

"But you seem to like it" he smirked and kissed around my neck.

I felt his hand at my waist.

"St-stop it" I whispered reluctantly.

He pulled away and I sat up.

He looked hurt again.

The rejection ran threw his eyes.

He looked hurt yes, but he'll thank me later.

Maybe it was wrong to stop him maybe I should've let him keep going.

But if I did…..we'd just keep doing it…..just keep fooling ourselves into thinking we can have a real relationship.

Hikaru left the room.

After about 2 hours I got worried.

I pulled on my jacket and went looking for him in the woods.

It was getting dark.

"Hikaru" I yelled.

"K-Kaoru" I heard his voice.

I ran in the direction it was coming from.

My eyes widened in shock at what I saw.

I'd never felt pain like this.


	4. stained with blood

Hikaru was rushed into the hospital by ambulance.

I ran into the room.

He had I.V's in his arms and neck.

I sat down on the ledge of the hospital bed.

He lay there with his eyes half open.

"What happened" I whispered.

"I….went for a walk along the road and….some idiot with a van ran me down" he choked out each word.

I shook my head.

How could this happen.

I wanted to say sorry for pushing him off me earlier.

"My fault" I cried out.

"How is it…" he whispered.

"I made you stop and you left because of it" I cried harder.

He tried to shake his head.

"It's not your fault".

It is my fault and I knew that.

"Kaoru" he whispered.

I looked at him.

"Kiss me one last time" he whispered with a soft smile.

"Don't say that…..you'll be fine" I took his hand in mine.

"Please" he whispered.

I leaned in to kiss him.

My lips laid down on his.

It was gentle for a moment then it stopped all together.

Just before he left the room before all this happened.

He put something in my jacket pocket.

I pulled out a small piece of paper.

I unfolded it.

"_Without your love I'd die." I read the note_

My eyes shook in fear.

My brother lay stiff and pale in the hospital bed.

"WAKE UP" I cried out shaking him violently.

"Come on you bastered" I screamed loudly tears streaming down my cheeks.

The nurse ran in.

"Hikaru" I begged threw my sobs.

"NO" I shrieked.

He was gone.

I blamed myself.

I was separated from him now.

I wouldn't be forever.

I walked out to his grave a couple days later.

I pulled the knife from my bag.

"I love you Hikaru" I whispered with a soft smile.

I could swear he was watching me I felt his touch and his breath on my lips.

I took him for granted and I lost him.

The air blew my hair away from my face.

"We will be together forever" I whispered dragging the knife threw my wrists.

I laid there and slowly bled to death.

Now we'll be together.

Love is painful and this one is stained with blood.


End file.
